You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
