you turned your livingroom into a bong?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
