the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
