Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
