I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
