I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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