Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
