dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
