I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
