dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
