Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You peed on a flamingo?!?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
