We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
