sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
