I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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