Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
