if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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