Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
