I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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