dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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