My liver just broke up with me...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
