I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Drunk is a universal language darling
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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