I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
