exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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