btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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