he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
