Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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