i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
