worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
