Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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