I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
