i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
