john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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