I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
