ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
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Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
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Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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