and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
