So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
