update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
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Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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