I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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