Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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