get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
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