I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
