She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
