I just cut my nipple shaving
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
