I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
