My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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