grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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