he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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