Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
