Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
