but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
