Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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