I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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