I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
