Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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