I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
