i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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