According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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