Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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