census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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