and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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