I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
