Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
