So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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