He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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