I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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