Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
