That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
