you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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