"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
