She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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