So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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