Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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