Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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