Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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