Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
