Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
