cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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