it's not cheating when I paid for it
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
