So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
