where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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