i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
