How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
