my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
