I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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