I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
