You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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