Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize