My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize