I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You smell like stripper and shame
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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