i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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