Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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