dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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