there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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