I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
